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Suicidal Education

Musings of a V-Line passenger in need of a cigarette

Posted on 2010.04.05 at 16:04
Current Location: Australia, Victoria

Whilst riding the V-Line today I had a thought. It was just as the train wad pulling into Castlemaine and a girl who was in the year below me at highschool was pushing a pram with weedy, Holden attire-wearing significant other in toe was about to get on the train. I thought to myself thank FUCK I never procreated! I may have a lot of flaws but at least I am not:

.Stuck in Castlemaine

.Settling with whichever scumbag knocked me up first

.The owner of any Holden, Jack Daniels or Playboy clothing

And at least I can:

.Buy myself expensive perfume without having to worry about feeling guilty because my bastard child is going without something so I can smell nice

.Decide on the spur of the moment that I want to go out and not have to think twice

.Make the descision to spend an entire pay on insanely over-priced shoes and to not eat for a week and have it only affect me

Life is shit but it's not that bad.

Ok, bad sex boy is still around. His attention is lovely. No I have not slept with him again but I must say I have not gotten sick of being called beautiful yet. And before you tell me to let the poor boy go before I break his heart, I'm not even keeping him around as my own personal ego stroker. I haven't gotten rid of him yet because I simply do not want to hurt him. Every time he sends me a (very sweet) text message and I reply with something equally as gooey I smack myself. I don't have the same feelings for him as he does for me but I don't want to be nasty to him and hurt him.
(randomly: there is a fucking hot country boy on my train. I totally want to touch him. And I so just crossed my legs...)
Anyways, like i was saying...yes I don't want to hurt the poor thing but how do you let somebody down gently? If he finds out my game I'm going to be no diferent to the multitude of boys who have strung me along and dented my heart over the years!

So, just for curiositys sake I decided to weigh up the pros and cons of bad sex boy:


.Sweet. Unbelievably sweet.

.No baggage.

.Is way into me.

.Would do anything for me.

.Knows about all my crazy and didn't go running.


.Bad, bad sex.

.Not the best looking guy I've ever laid eyes on.

See? Dilemma!

But then I was having a conversation with him saying (jokingly) that I was shitty because my dad won't buy me this horse I found in Horse Deals because it's $20K. His response: "Do you want me to buy it for you?" I shit you not and he was deadly serious. Who the fuck has $20K to go and spend on somebody else?! More to the point who would do that for somebody who isn't even their girlfriend?!

I know, I know, I'm going to hell because his ability to purchase important things for me like expensive warmblood showjumpers and Tiffany jewelery just made him more attractive to me. I am a filthy, disgusting gold digger who should be burnt at the stake!

But then I was thinking (and for the record this thinking occurred prior to me finding out he's pretty much got every sent he's ever earnt stashed away) he thinks the sun shines out of my arse and worships the ground I walk on and that maybe I could be the next Charlotte from SATC! Harry isn't good looking at all but he loves Charlotte. And she ended up super happy. Plus, it'd make Shannon so jealous and probably give him the kick up the arse he needs to get back with me.

Fuck, I'm such a bad person. I should be steralised! But, what would you do in this situation?!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


(Deleted comment)
badlaura at 2010-04-05 12:55 (UTC) (Link)
Am I in trouble for being the devil incarnate?
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